


Counting all my Blessings

by Tchell1



Series: In the Darkness [1]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Flint is bad at feelings, Idiots in Love, M/M, Silver is not in a good place, Slow Burn, Thomas to the rescue, post-series finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-21 09:30:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10682520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tchell1/pseuds/Tchell1
Summary: John Silver grew up knowing he would never have anyone. Old habits die-hard and all his decisions up to this day had also ensured no one would ever want to have him again: he had deliberately undermined all his relationships and now, all that was left was his sorrow and regrets.Of course, he was not counting on his judgment of the situation being wrong and people fighting for him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for Black Sails and is also my first work in progress. 
> 
> This will be Silver/Thomas/Flint.

Silver was never one to get drunk. He liked rum, of course, and wine, but since he was little, he knew no one was going to look after him and the idea of getting vulnerable and impaired because of alcohol was not a welcome one. Silver’s first and foremost main concern was always his survival.

 

Silver felt his heart constrict and, mentally telling his self-preservation instinct to go fuck itself, drank the whole glass of rum. _Fuck each and every one of my decisions_ , he decided, while filling his glass back again and drinking more. His heart continued to tighten, the ache spreading everywhere until he could not even breathe properly.

 

He breathed deeply, trying to contain the despair and drank more.

 

He drank because Madi looked into his eyes and called him selfish and egoistical and of course she would never forgive him. He drank because he had deliberately destroyed Billy and turned him into the monsters everyone accused the pirates of being. He drank because Mister De Groot and almost all his crew had died pursuing a dream Silver knew was never possible and he still did nothing to stop. He drank because Flint existed no more and now Silver did not know how to live in a world without him.

 

He drank because he was always going to be alone.                                  

 

Silver grew up knowing he would never have anyone. Old habits die-hard and all his decisions up to this day had also ensured no one would ever want to have him again. He snorted bitterly. Not long ago, he had told Flint the captain was a menace to everyone around him. What a terrible pair, they made: one desperately trying to keep those he loved near and never succeeding; the other deliberately sabotaging all relationships he had and ensuring he would never have anyone.

 

Silver was still breathing deeply, keeping appearances.

 

 _God almighty, I don’t want to be alone_ , the thought desperately, all by himself, on his way to being drunk and vulnerable.

 

What is wrong with him? Why couldn’t he break the pattern? Why was he still pushing people away?

 

 Another bottle of rum was put in front of him. Silver raised his eyes and saw a pretty girl in a very tight corset leaving this table, her smart eyes were on him, offering pleasure and solace in her body.

 

Instead, all Silver could think about was Madi, amazing and powerful Madi, who, if she so wanted, could effortlessly rule the world; Flint by her side, guiding and counseling her. They really were very similar and so very tempting, the both of them. Oh, how Silver wanted to never leave their side, basking forever on their glory and idealism.

 

Silver lowered his eyes back and closed them. It was but a dream, and all of what remained of it were Silver’s shattered heart.

 

He drank again, imagining, instead how Flint was doing. With Flint, at least, Silver could find comfort in knowing he was reunited with Thomas. He would always feel pride in his part into giving back to Flint what he wanted the most. Thomas must have been an amazing man; the kind of man that could control the rage and anger that allowed Captain Flint to disappear. How much strength did Thomas actually possess?

 

 _More than me, that is for sure_. Silver thought, bitterly, and how that knowledge hurt. He wanted to be there for Flint. Silver knew he would never be strong enough to contain the captain, but he had still wanted to be the one. He had still wanted Flint to want him back.

 

It would not be. Flint did not want Silver. And Silver would never deprive Flint of Thomas, of a love that almost destroyed the New World, that caused a whole town to burn to the ground and would most likely have caused the ruin of the British Empire. Silver loved Flint and that was enough.

 

But fuck, how he had wanted Flint to love him back just a little.

 

Finally, the rum had started to inebriate him. His thoughts were becoming cloudy and the truths Silver fought so hard not to think about were surfacing. He drank more and allowed his ears to pick the voices surrounding him again. There were whispers of Long John Silver and how killing a pirate king could earn someone fame and fortune very quickly. Silver laughed. Of course, he would be more valuable dead than alive.

 

 _Well, let them come. Let them all come._ He had lost Madi and Flint and he had no attachment for the Pirate King tittle nor for the name Long John Silver. Someone else can have all his sorrows and regrets. He was tired of this empty life.

 

It was with no surprise he heard the commotion on the back. It seemed whoever was talking about him had manage to convince people to challenge Silver _. Long live the pirate king_ , he thought sardonically, preparing for his last duel.

 

Silver got up, turned and tried to make eye contact with the group that now stood in front of him. His crutch slipped and he almost fell, but managed to stay upward at the last minute. He blinked and blinked again. It seemed people were more confused than scared of the famous Long John Silver.

 

“Well, you cowards? Who will be the first?” he asked in what he hoped to be a hard voice, but in reality was almost a grumble.

 

No one moved. They all were staring at him and Silver, again, was reminded of his crew watching curiously their new quartermaster without one leg. The shame and anger came back. He was again reduced to just an interesting if dangerous creature. He got tired of having people looking at him as less than human.

 

 With a savage growl that made the group jump, Silver turned from them and gathered his things from the table.

 

“Cowards.” He said again. Feeling something close to disappointment; nobody would attack him today.

 

Instinct, however, made Silver look up again and he found a pair of clear blue eyes watching him from across the brothel. The eyes were completely clean of any alcohol and they looked at him with interest and something else. It only made Silver angrier.

 

With a final snarl, Silver left the place, looking for somewhere to spend the night and lick his wounds.


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I had to add one more chapter because the story kept growing.  
> =(

Silver dreamt of Madi and her last words to him, calling a traitor and looking at him with sorrow and disappointment. _We could have won_ , she had told him. And the terrible truth of it was that Silver knew she was actually right; they could have won. He woke up with tears on his eyes and darkness on his thoughts. It was nothing new. His last months had been spent that way and he did not see any change in the future.

 

Silver looked up at the ceiling, counting the cracks on it. The inn was a terrible one, it smelled badly, he could hear people fucking, shouting and fucking and shouting in all the rooms. There we blood stains in the walls and other stains in the mattress. It fitted him, really.

 

Silver went down to get something to eat, his crutch clacking on the steps, making sure everyone knew he was coming. He no longer cared about stealth.  Downstairs, he ordered bread and water and ate and drank them with his head down, without thinking of anything. The headache was still strong and Madi’s face, hurt and disappointed, would not leave him.

 

It was his punishment, he knew: to always be reminded of what could have been if not for his selfishness.

 

Another glass was put in front of him. Silver lifted his face and found the same pair of clear blue eyes from the day before staring right back at him. The eyes belonged to a handsome bearded face, with blond and white hair. The man looked and sat like a misplaced nobleman; someone who made a wrong turn on one of the streets and ended up on the ugly part of town.

 

Silver raised one eyebrow in question but the man only smiled back. Silver rolled his eyes and looked around, to all the other empty tables. He leaned closer to the man and whispered clearly:

 

“There are other tables. Go seat somewhere else.”

 

The man shrugged.

 

“I’m perfectly fine here, thank you for the concern” he answered honestly, which only made Silver more suspicious.

 

Silver narrowed his eyes, studying the very calm nobleman in front of him drink his water.

 

_Fuck it_ , he thought, and got up.

 

“Stay away from me” Silver warned the man, and left.

 

The man stayed exactly where he was, but his eyes became huge and full of sorrow, of all things. Silver felt his blood boil. He had no patience for the rich people that wanted to experience one night of adventures and battles on the dangerous parts of the town.

 

___***___

 

Silver met the man again when he was back into the inn for the night. The man was watching him from a dark alley nearby and Silver thought _Enough is enough_ , and went after him.

 

“What the fuck do you want?” Silver growled pretty much like in the night before at the brothel.

 

The man turned his back on him Silver and entered the alley. Silver followed him.

 

“I told you to stay away from me” Silver snarled to the alley and turned back to the main street.

 

The man stopped, came closer to Silver and gave a small laugh.

 

“Or what? Your are going to kill me?” he asked mockingly. “Well, then, why not do it now?” he continued.

 

Silver heard the man pull out a sword. He jump a step back, raising his sword, anger and frustration fuelling his moves, and stroke, aiming for the man’s neck. To his surprise, the man blocked his attack, the blue eyes dancing delighted, a small smile adorning his lips. The block was perfect and very familiar, with a distinct way of having the sword positioned. Silver had seen this very move before and only done by one person.

 

Feeling his heart skip a beat just like it always did whenever he remembered Flint, Silver narrowed his eyes and asked:

 

“Who are you?? What do you want from me??”

 

The small smile the man carried on his face changed. It became softer and almost kind. Silver felt the same anger from the day before return. He did not need any pity, especially from some nobleman with delusions of killing a pirate king.

 

“You know what?”  Silver said, lowering his sword  “I don’t fucking care.”  he continued resolutely. 

 

He turned away going back to his way, deliberately making himself not look at the man. He was aware his back was completely vulnerable but his life had never been worth anything anyway and Flint’s memory had just made itself known again, haunting him again.

 

Silver heard the man sigh behind him.

 

“You must know who I am” the man said quietly “You are the one responsible for my happiness, after all. You brought him back to me, in that godforsaken plantation, in Savannah”

 

The words felt almost like a punch in his stomach, making Silver inhale sharply. Because of course he fucking knew who the man before him. Of course his immediate anger towards this nobleman was completely instinctive.

 

_No_ , he thought, _No, please, no. I don’t want to know._

 

Silver turned back, eyes blazing, and got very close to the man again.

 

“Believe me,” he whispered savagely, “you better not play games with me, nobleman. You do not want Long John Silver as your enemy”

 

The man pulled his sword away. He closed and opened his eyes, allowing Silver to see the intelligence, the kindness and mostly the _understanding_ in them.

 

_God almighty, this is why Flint loves him,_ Silver caught himself thinking.

 

Without his control, his eyes became wet, his hands started shaking and all Silver wanted to do was leave that cursed alley, where he was hallucinating Flint’s lover defeated him on a duel.

 

_As usual, even when it’s not real, you are never enough to compete with him_ , he thought bitterly.

 

“Do you want me to tell you my name?” the man asked gently. Silver cursed and closed his eyes in denial. The man continued even so “My name is Thomas Hamilton” Thomas said “and I owe you my life and my happiness”

 

There was a moment of silence, in which not even Silver’s mind could come up with a thought. Then, Silver heard his sword hitting the ground, the metallic sound echoing through the alley.

 

“You… cannot be him” Silver said with difficulty, unable even now to say Thomas’ name aloud. He had the impression that if he allowed himself to say it, it would make all this interaction real and Silver was not strong enough to deal with that “you cannot be him because he is with-” his voice failed him “he is with-” Silver tried again and still, the name would not leave his lips.

 

“I was with James” Thomas completed, still so very softly. “But there was something else I needed to do” Thomas continued, getting closer to Silver.

 

Silver took two steps back.

 

“Don’t” Silver warned, sad and scared, hating the quiver on his voice “Please, don’t.” he asked, even though he had no idea what Thomas was going to do. He did not want to be in any part of it.

 

Silver felt his body shaking and his eyes get wet, but he was unable to formulate one complete thought. Without meaning to, Silver left the alley, Thomas voice, shouting for him to wait. Silver did not wait. He got inside the inn, climbed the stairs, opened the door to his room and locked himself inside. Through it all, he could hear Thomas following him and latter, knocking on his door, asking Silver to let him enter.

 

Silver got on the bed, closed his eyes and prayed for it all to have been one of his terrible nightmares.

 


	3. chapter 3

Silver opened the door of his room only to find Thomas Hamilton on the other side. Thomas was leaning on the wall reading a book and looked up when he heard Silver’s door opening, smiling softly to Silver.

 

“Of course you are still here.” Silver whispered to himself.

 

Thomas smile widened.

 

“You thought I wouldn’t be?” Thomas asked delighted.

 

Silver shrugged and started going down the stairs, Thomas following him behind. It was with no surprise that when Silver sat on the same table he had sat yesterday, Thomas accompanied him. Before Silver could order, Thomas did so for them and in no time, Silver had bread and water in front to him. Silver sighed and ate a piece.

 

The day before had been a very strange one and Silver did not want a reprise of it.

 

“What the fuck do you want from me?” Silver asked in a quiet and tired voice. It felt almost like giving up.

 

Thomas gave him an understanding smile that did nothing to placate Silver.

 

“I would like to reciprocate what you did to me.” Thomas replied.

 

Silver blinked and shook his head in confusion.

 

“I don’t need you to do anything for me.” He said getting up from the table “Go bac-”

 

Thomas’ hand grabbed his before Silver could leave, stopping him mid-sentence. Silver looked back at him with one of his eyebrows raised.

 

“Please” Thomas asked “Please, just hear me out. I only have one more day and if you are not convinced by then, I promise you I’ll leave.”

 

Silver frowned, looking down at Thomas still seated at the table, staring right back at him, Silver could see his iron core; the one Flint had fallen in love. Thomas’ was a very dangerous man wrapped up with a delicate face and lovely eyes. Silver could see the amount of destruction Thomas’ could have caused.

 

In fact, Silver could see the amount of destruction Thomas’ intelligence and Flint’s cold and strategic mind could have accomplished. He felt a shiver running down his spine. Silver had always been attracted to powerful beings and Flint and Thomas, just like Flint and Madi, presented  a very attractive temptation.

 

Angry with himself to be thinking in exactly the same pattern as always, Silver shook his head.

 

“Why you only have one more day?” Silver found himself asking.

 

Thomas smiled softly.

 

“That’s the amount of time I promised James I was going to stay away.”

 

 _James_.

 

James as in _Flint_ , as in one of the biggest hollows that would not fill up on Silver’s chest. Silver closed his eyes and sat back down. Thomas knew where Flint was, of course he knew. The thought had not come to Silver’s mind until now. But here was Thomas Fucking Hamilton talking about Flint as is he was only an acquaintance of Silver and not the one person Silver had wanted to love him back.

 

“Say whatever you want and fuck off, then.” Silver snarled.

 

Thomas’ nodded. He studied Silver for a while. Then, he looked down and left out a small chuckle.

 

“Come back with me.” Thomas said and the world became out of focus for a while.

 

There was no sound except Silver’s heart, pumping blood desperately. Distantly, Silver realized his hands were shaking a little. He closed his eyes and waited for the world to make sense again.

 

It took him a few seconds, but he managed to open his eyes again. The world went back into focus and Thomas was still seated in front of him. An irrational anger took over Silver. He leaned over, both arms on the table crossed in front of him, as if making a barrier, hating the wetness on his eyes but not caring Thomas could see them.

 

“I don’t care why you thought coming to find me was a good idea. But leave now and I’ll forget you ever met me.” He whispered to Thomas, frustrated that if it was anyone else other than Flint’s fucking love, Silver would have threatened his life. As it were, that was the best Silver could do.

 

Thomas kept looking at him, studying him in a way Silver was beginning to hate. Thomas had been doing that for two days now.

 

“I see what he sees in you.” Thomas said back. He leaned his head sideways, as if apologizing for his next words “And I see you are hurting.” He completed quietly. “I can help. Please, let me help.”

 

And Silver wanted to leash out, wanted to shout and wanted to shoot the man. Because how dare he? How dare Thomas Hamilton come back from the dead and reach out to Silver only to throw back at him how terrible he was doing at life?

 

“You. Cannot. Help. Me” Silver said slowly and certainly. “Just go back to-” Silver sobbed “Just go back, Thomas.”

 

Thomas shook his head desolated.

 

“He misses you, you know.” Thomas said watching Silver “There is not even one day that goes by that he doesn’t feel your absence by his side. He is hurting as much as you,”

 

Those words hurt. Silver laid himself bare to Flint, showed him all his failures and destroyed his chances to be with Madi only to have Thomas tell him Flint was still hurting. Silver left out a bitter and wet laugh.

 

“You… you are a cruel man, Thomas Hamilton. I was not expecting that.” Silver observed “Of all the things I was expecting from you, that… was not one of them.”

 

Thomas leaned closer to Silver and slowly, letting Silver see what he was doing, he raised his hands and touched one of Silver’s crossed arms in a soothing caress. Thomas’ eyes were again full of sorrow and sadness.

 

“It was never my intention to hurt you.” Thomas said in apology “But I will use of all the ways I know to convince you to leave this place with me.”

 

Silver pulled his arms back and shook his head.

 

“Flint does not need me.” Silver said, ignoring Thomas second attempt to get him to agree “He has you.” He gave Thomas a desolated smile “It was all he had ever wanted. I was just… a filler.” Silver shrugged “I don’t mind. We can’t all be the cause for war against the world. Some of us… are just caught in the tornado that is James Flint.”

 

Thomas frowned in confusion. Silver could actually see Thomas mind trying to understand what Silver just said. Then, Thomas chuckled again.

 

“James said you were smart. James told me you were one of the smartest men he knew and the most cunning one.” Thomas said “But, it seems when it comes to sentiment, you, my friend, might be a bit blind”

 

Silver blinked.

 

“Excuse me??” Silver asked affronted.

 

Thomas actually laughed at him; a big delighted laugh, as if Silver had just told him a joke.

 

“I just realized you are under the impression that I do not know you love my husband and that he loves you right back.” Thomas said.

 

And for the second time during the conversation, the world went out of focus.

 

“Wh-What…?” Silver whispered in shook. “What are you talking about?”

 

Thomas blinked and then blinked again. His eyes became huge and he raised one hand to his mouth in horror and not one of his reactions made any sense to Silver.

 

“Oh, no.” Thomas said “You… you didn’t know.” He continued and Silver started to panic “Silver, is it possible you didn’t know James was in love with you?”

 

That was when Silver’s heart actually broke. All the pieces he was trying to keep just disintegrated, because not even in his most terrible nightmares, _Thomas Hamilton,_ perfect and beautiful Thomas Hamilton, would appear to him and temp him with what he had wanted the most.

 

“You must have known. How could you not have known?” Thomas was still saying, shaking his head in confusion.

 

And Silver had had enough.

 

“Because there is no way he would have wanted me when he could have had you, you stupid fuck!” Silver actually shouted, causing Thomas to pull back in surprise and everyone else to look at them.

 

The whole inn suddenly quieted down. Long John Silver was their guest and the pirate king was not one to be crossed.

 

“Oh, my.” Thomas said softly, looking at all the apprehensive faces on the place, as if for the first time realizing he was actually in front of a person people thought was terrible.

 

“Can this end now?” Silver all but begged. “Can you please disappear from my life again?”

 

Thomas’ eyes went back to Silver. He blinked and the surprise in discovering he should be afraid of Silver was gone instantly. He smiled.

 

“No.” Thomas replied “Wars were fought on my name, Long John Silver.” he continued quietly “You do not intimidate me and I cannot wait to get to know you better.”

 

 _Thomas Hamilton is completely mad_. Silver thought.

 

“He does not love me.” Silver said. Talking to Thomas felt more like trying to solve a puzzle; one that had no borders and at least three spare parts that did not fit anywhere. It was exhausting. “I will not go and destroy his happiness.”

 

Thomas was not intimidated.

 

“You once told him he knew all of you that had to be known.” Thomas said to him, and Silver’s eyes widened in the realization James actually talked about him with Thomas “Oh, yes, I know about you.” Thomas said reading Silver correctly. “But you see, James could never understand you fully because he actually did not know what was motivating you were unconditional love.” Thomas smiled “I, on the other hand, am very familiar with unconditional love and let me tell you: you and James have been living in a romantic tragedy when you should have been living in a love story.” Thomas leaned over the table again, catching Silver’s hand on his and interlocking their fingers “Come back with me, Long John Silver, share James love with me and stop the endless suffering on all of us.” Thomas asked again, eyes sparkling and very blue.

 

Silver closed his eyes, listed all his sufferings in his head and counted all the small blessings he had received until that moment on his life. He wished fervently that what Thomas was offering was the latter.

 

“Yes” Silver sobbed “Yes, I’ll come with you.”

 


	4. INTERLUDE - THOMAS AND JAMES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, everyone, I had to push one more chapter because I needed an interlude of how Thomas actually came to the decision to go search for Silver.

**_THREE MONTHS EARLIER - SAVANNAH_ **

 

It took James a day and a half to instigate a rebellion at the plantation. Thomas was sure it had only taken that long because James was terrified of showing Thomas his brutal side. Once Thomas assured James there was nothing James could do that would actually scare him, James gave him an apologetic smile, kissed his head and told him they would leave that place by noon.

 

James missed his self imposed deadline by fifteen minutes.

 

Two more hours and the plantation was burning at the distance and Thomas was cheerfully leading a completely dazed James to the town nearby. Every few minutes, Thomas had to stop to reassure James he was not disgusted nor was he going to run away. When they were on the borders of the town, Thomas turned back to James, taking his face on his hands and bringing it very close to his, he whispered:

 

“My love, there is nothing, and I mean literally nothing on this world, that would make me hate you.” Thomas kissed him softly “You were my truest love then and you are my truest love now.”

 

James gave a wet relieved laugh and hugged Thomas to him. Thomas could feel all the tremors running through his love’s body and took note to quickly find somewhere to settle. James was not fine. James eyes were always moving, he was quick to startle and very easy to anger, he was plagued with nightmares and tossed and turned nonstop on the bed.

 

Thomas hadn’t got the whole story from James, yet, which, Thomas was sure, was the cause of a lot of James insecurities. Thomas was going to remedy that as soon as possible.

 

They settled. They chose a house on the other side of the town, very close to the border and in walking distance of the sea. James sometimes would stare at the ocean for hours and hours, eyes full of longing and sadness.

 

Thomas got the first version of James’ story three days after they moved in. After dinner, James took Thomas hands in one of his across the table and, with dread on his eyes, he said:

 

“Before we continue, I think you should know who I am; who I become. I don’t – I don’t think you will like this new person at all”

 

Thomas squeezed James’ hand and raised it to his month, giving it a soft kiss. Trying not to pressure James, Thomas let his love shine through his eyes and smile in what he hoped was a reassuring way. He nodded to let James continue with his tale.

 

James talked for more than four hours, eyes hard and deadly. He drank water in between the pauses so as if not to lose his voice.  James’ tale involved James becoming a vicious pirate, plundering and killing indiscriminately, making deals with terrible people, destroying entire cities and turning the seas of the New World unsafe for anyone. It was a horrific tale.

 

Thomas took it all in. Digesting all the information James said and looking at the admirable man that was in front of him waiting to be condemned to a lonely life. Thomas smiled sadly, because he knew what James was doing.

 

“Right, my love” Thomas said gently and deliberately reminding James Thomas still loved him “I need you to not treat me as someone you need to manipulate.” Thomas continued and saw James eyes widen in shook at being caught. Thomas imagined there weren’t many people that would be able to do that. “I don’t think this should be the kind of relationship we want to have.” He smiled at James and had to refrain himself to compare this James to the James of ten years ago. “Just to make sure we are in agreement here: I want James Flint as much as I want James Mcgrawl.” He kissed james’ hand again “So, you want to try me again?”

 

James stared at Thomas for a few more seconds and then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Thomas saw two tears falling down his face. He got up and went to James side of the table, taking his face and kissing him tenderly.

 

“Why don’t we continue this conversation on the bed?” Thomas decided.

 

James laughed quietly and nodded, letting Thomas guide him to their bedroom. James had been letting Thomas guide him since they met. Thomas’ heart was full of love for this complex and beautiful man.

 

The second attempt of explaining what James’ had been doing with his life, in Thomas opinion, went much better. They were both laid down, Thomas on his back and James draped over him, his head over Thomas’ heart and one of Thomas’ hands was caressing his back throughout the story.

 

This time, Thomas learned James took Miranda to Nassau and that he wanted to rebuild it into Thomas’ dreams, his voice breaking over Miranda’s name. Thomas heard the agonizing tale of how James and Miranda were betrayed by Peter Ashe and how James had lost the little humanity he had left when Miranda died. Thomas closed his eyes and crushed James to him, because Miranda was beautiful and amazing and he missed her so much. He heard why Charlestown was burned and honestly? He was so very glad James had accomplished Miranda’s last wish.

 

Thomas learned about Madi and the slaves and how James had convinced them all they could achieve so much, sending a message across the ocean, all the way to England. James talked about Madi as if this woman could move mountains and Thomas actually believed Madi could.

 

It was the first time Thomas heard the name _John Silver_ , spoken quietly and shyly, almost as if asking for forgiveness. The name was said only once and it broke James’ voice as if it was his heart, but James told Thomas about the very cunning and very smart man that had become James’ best friend and ultimate end. John Silver was a puzzle James held very close to his heart. Thomas raised one eyebrow in the dark and did not say a word.

 

It took a week but James mentioned the name again. They were discussing ways to get the town people to interact with them and Thomas was shouting ideas from their small living room to James, who was in the garden, tending very carefully to their small plants. James was laughing and answering back and generally becoming free of the terrible villain he thought he had been, when he said:

 

“Silver once managed to befriend the crew by way of being punched every morning.” And then he stopped.

 

Thomas waited a few seconds, but when no more words came from the garden, he got up and went outside, to see what had happened. James had his tools spread in front of him and a scared look on his face, as if he had said something forbidden. Thomas sighed, counted to ten to calm his rage against everyone that made James think he was not allowed to be happy, and said:

 

“He seems like an amazing man, your Mister Silver.”

 

James blinked and blinked again. And then went back to his plants.

 

“He is not my anything.” James said resolutely but to Thomas ears, it sounded almost like hopelessness.

 

A plan began to form on Thomas mind.

 

“Isn’t he?” Thomas risked asking.

 

James inhaled and looked up at Thomas again, eyes wide and fearful.

 

“Thomas-” James started “There has never been- I would never.”

 

Thomas raised one hand, stopping James’ attempts at explanation.

 

“That does not mean he doesn’t mean anything to you.” Thomas said gently, studying James’ reactions.

 

James closed his eyes, defeated.

 

“Please, my love.” James said “Please, I would never do anything to hurt you.”

 

And Thomas’ heart filled with sadness. How could James think Thomas would hold James’ affections as proof of a crime? As if Thomas would actually not understand? Thomas entered the garden and kneeled in front of James, he could feel his eyes wetting with tears and could see James’ eyes were the same.

 

“James, I’m not mad. I could never be mad with you.” Thomas said with a  smile, trying to placate James’ panicked response “But your heart is so big and you have so much love to give. Why not share it with me and him?”

 

James left out a small incredulous laugh and let his head fall on Thomas shoulders. Thomas immediately wrapped his arms around James, feeling his shoulder get wet.

 

They stayed that way for minutes; James sobbing quietly and Thomas caressing him.

 

“He does not want me.” James finally confessed into Thomas’ skin “He thinks I’m a monster.”

 

Thomas frowned.

 

“From what you told me, he can’t think that.”

 

James shook his head, still hidden on Thomas’ skin.

 

“He told me I would end up killing everyone close to me. That no war was going to be good enough for my anger.” James said and Thomas felt an irrational urge to go find and beat John Silver to a pulp. James raised his head back and looked at Thomas “He knew about you. He arranged for me to find you again.” James confessed.

 

 _Oh_ , Thomas fought. _So that was the missing piece._

 

Suddenly, a lot of things made sense. James thought Silver left him at the plantation to stop a war. James thought Silver hated him. The incredible thing about it all though, was that in all the stories James had told Thomas, Silver had not come across someone who hated James, quite the opposite, really.

 

Thomas closed his eyes.

 

“James, my love” Thomas began “Your mister Silver most probably is in love with you.” He said already waiting for the surprise that took over James’ face “Just like you are in love with him.”

 

Thomas watched James try to come up with an answer but in his mind, he was already forming a plan to bring Mister Silver to Savannah.  

 


	5. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it!  
> I hope you all enjoyed my little story.
> 
> =)

They had just set foot inside the ship that would take them to Savannah when Silver tried again.

 

“I betrayed him, you know? More than once, by the way. I took his treasure and sold it to someone else. I lied to him and set men to kill him.” He said in a hard voice to a very unconcerned Thomas, who was beside Silver, watching the small island they had been in getting smaller by the minute.

 

Thomas had not stopped being a puzzle. In fact, Silver was beginning to think Thomas took great delight in confusing Silver. They had spent their last day in the town together. Every now and then Silver would drop a terrible fact about himself to see if Thomas would get scared and disappear back into one of Silver’s nightmares. So far, Silver had zero success, with Thomas condescending face looking back at him with a mix of hope and sadness that drove Silver up the walls.

 

Just like the other times, when Silver finished his saying, Thomas looked back at him, his trademark  gentle smile and no traces of hate at all on his face.

 

“Are you done?” Thomas asked. “Because it is actually just a few days to Savannah and I really do not want to spend all of them hearing all the reasons you are a terrible person.”

 

Silver huffed and went back inside, Thomas laugh accompanying him down  the decks.

 

Silver reached inside his room, locked the door behind him and sat on his bed, closing his eyes. Thomas said in a few days they would arrive in Savannah. In a few days he would see Flint again and face the terrible fact that he had, for all intents and purposes sent Flint to a prison. He would have to stand before Flint and tell him he had been right since the beginning and Madi now hated him.

 

Silver laid down, both arms crossed over his head and tried to control his panicked breathing. He really wanted a drink.

 

Two hours later, there was a knock at his door. Silver could picture Thomas on the other side, standing calm and collected, ready to talk to the manic pirate king that could not decide what the fuck he wanted to do with his life.

 

The knocks came again. Silver went to the door and unlocked it, because he had learned to give in to Thomas sooner than latter.

 

“Come in, Thomas.” Silver said and went back to sit on his bed.

 

Thomas entered quietly and locked the door behind him. In one of his hands there was a bottle of something. Silver hoped it was alcohol. Thomas took a look at the room and at Silver’s pathetic figure at the bed and sat at the small table by the window. He did not open the bottle, but he leaned on Silver’s direction, with his elbows on his knees, fingers interlocking in front o his body.

 

“I’m sorry if I seemed uncaring to your feelings, Silver.” Thomas started after a few seconds “It just… It infuriates me that you still think James holds any anger towards you.” Thomas stared at Silver “I’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear that James loves you. But, if you do not believe that, please, believe I would never do anything to hurt him.” Thomas gave Silver a sincere smile “I love him as much as you do, you know? I wouldn’t be doing this at all if I thought you would hurt him.”

 

Silver shook his head.

 

“How can you accept this?” he asked “How can you stand in front of me and tell me your husband loves me?”

 

Thomas looked away from Silver, watching the ocean from the window. He took a deep breath and replied:

 

“Because I know how much love James has inside him. I’ve experience it singularly and shared. James is a social person and so am I. Him loving more than one person does not bother me.” Thomas opened the bottle and drank some of the liquid inside “Him hurting because he thinks he need to choose between the two people he loves the most? That bothers me.”

 

Silver got up and sat at the table as well. He took the bottle from Thomas and drank. It was rum, thank the Lord.

 

 _Now or never._ Silver thought.

 

“I’m scared.” Silver admitted softly without looking at Thomas but being unable to not be close to him. “I’ve- I’ve lost so much trying to achieve this _victory_ ” Silver said the word bitterly. He had never considered what he did a victory “Trying to stop both Madi and Flint from killing themselves.” He looked back at Thomas, who had his blue eyes on him, Thomas, who was understanding and so lovely “One more of this so called victories and I will not survive.” Silver confessed “I would not bear to reach Savannah only to have Flint look at me with disgust.”

 

Thomas opened his month to reply, but at the same moment, a commotion could be heard on the deck. There were people shouting and both Thomas and Silver ran up to see what was happening.

 

As soon as they reached the ship's bow, they saw one of the sailors hanging from one of the masts, desperately trying not to fall. Before anyone could say or do anything, Silver was already shouting orders to the crew of a ship that wasn’t his, guiding everyone to a safe rescue and preparing for a possible accidental landing, the crew answering to his commands automatically.

 

In less than fifteen minutes, the sailor was back on the deck, the crew looking confusedly back and forth between Silver, clutching his crutch very close to his body and the captain, who no doubt was wondering if he should be concerned this small one-legged man had managed to control his crew so effortlessly.

 

For a moment, no one talked. Silver could feel the tension on the crew growing and started preparing for the worse.

 

“That was incredible!” Thomas’ voice was suddenly heard “Captain, if you excuse me, me and my friend have some matters to discuss downstairs.” And with that, Thomas boldly guided Silver down, effectively shutting down a possible blood battle on the ship.

 

They had just locked the door of Silver’s room from the inside when Silver felt Thomas abruptly turning him and pressing him against the door. Thomas pressing his body to Silvers, bringing their faces a few inches apart, Thomas’ eyes were  shining in excitement and happiness.

 

“I heard James describe you in action and I heard the tales about the _Pirate King_ ” Thomas whispered hotly, his month very close to Silver’s “But it did not compare. You, John Silver are a wonder.” He took Silver’s face in one of his hands and made Silver look at him “Please, believe me when I tell you, James will not refuse you.” Thomas’ hand left Silver’s cheek and wandered to Silver’s bottom lip, caressing it tenderly.  Silver felt a shiver run through his body. Thomas could be very intense when he wanted “I will not kiss you, because this first kiss belongs to you and James.” He looked mischievously at Silver “But after that, all bets are off, my dear.”

 

And the only thing Silver could thing was _Jesus Christ, that is one of the hottest things anyone had ever said to me._

 

Silver let his head fall on Thomas shoulder and laughed a very relieved laugh.

 

“You!” Silver managed to say “You are not of this world, Thomas Hamilton!” and laughed some more. He felt Thomas chuckle and felt Thomas’ hands on the back of his head, gripping his nape strongly.

 

For the first time in months, Silver started thinking his life would be fine.

 

___***___

 

It took them three more days to reach savannah and then half a day to arrive at the borders of the town.

 

Every step they took Silver became more reluctant to continue, until Thomas had just given up and taken Silver’s hand in one of his, leading him to the entrance of a small isolated house with an ocean view.

 

Silver could see a man with red hair tendering to the small garden in front to the house. He had his back to them and they were distant enough that they couldn’t be heard.

 

 Thomas stopped, his hand squeezing Silver’s in reassurance. Thomas turned to Silver and with his, by now, usual caress of Silver’s lip, said:

 

“Go to him. Let him how you love him as much as he loves you.”

 

Silver let Thomas words wash over him, calming his heart and mind.

 

“Are you sure about this?” Silver asked one final time, unable not to.

 

Thomas favored him with his gentle smile.

 

“I’m sure. He loves you and I can see myself rapidly falling in love with you as well.” Thomas took Silver’s hand and raised it to give it a small kiss “Go. I’ll come right behind.”

 

Silver laughed wetly, so full of love and hope he did not know how to react. With a final nod, Silver turned back to the house and started walking.

 

He could see the distance getting smaller and smaller; he could recognize Flint’s powerful back and amazing hair, shinning into the sun. He stared and stared and thought _I’m so in love with this man._

 

Silver most have made a sound because Flint suddenly turned to the entrance, gardening tool raised as if it was a sword, eyes blazing. And then his green eyes found Silver’s and the tool fell from his hands. Silver stopped, his body refusing to move, taking in Flint’s full stance, eyes, body, month and temper.

 

Flint took one step closer and then another and then another. Before Silver knew, Flint had engulfed him into a desperate hug, his arms holding Silver against him, Flint’s body shaking with laugher and sobs. Silver raised his arms and held Flint back, joining him on the crying and on the laugher. Oh, god, how he had missed this man.

 

 _Home._ Silver thought _I’m finally home._

 

Very tenderly, Flint took Silver’s face on his hands and guided it into a kiss. Silver sobbed and sobbed, trying to deal with the flow of the emotions.

 

“He did it. God, he did it. I can’t believe he did it” Flint was whispering nonstop  into Silver’s month and Silver had no trouble in identifying who Flint was talking about.

 

Laughing happily, Silver also brought his hands to Flint’s face, mapping all of it to his memory and kissing him again.

 

“He did it.” Silver agreed, kissing Flint fiercely “I love you.” Silver said because the words could not be contained any more.

 

Flint smiled back at Silver, eyes full of wonder, as if Silver was a miracle;, a blessing Flint did not expect to receive. Silver saw Thomas approaching them, his gentle and understanding smile in place, and closed his eyes, allowing happiness to overtake him.

 

 


	6. EPILOGUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flint and Silver finally talk on the soft epilogue.  
> =)

Silver spend his first moments in front of the the small house completely out of it. He and Flint kissed and kissed, as if they could not get enough of each other. Thomas arrived only to be engulfed by Flint in a desperate hung, receiving also a very passionate kiss. Silver could see Flint professing his love to Thomas in a dazzled voice and Thomas smiling lovingly back at him.

 

Then, Thomas arm grabbed Silver and brought him to them. Slowly, Thomas leaned his head and gave Silver a small kiss on his lips. Thomas month was soft and tender. It fitted him.

 

“I’m going to the tavern at town” Thomas said gently to them, not releasing either Flint or Silver “You should talk.”

 

Flint had protested. Silver, though, could only stare while Thomas shook his head and refuted all Flint’s arguments and resolutely told him he was not staying. Thomas went inside the house and came back a few minutes later. He had changed clothes and had a small money bag with him. Smiling at both of them, Thomas left.

 

Even if Thomas confused Silver more than anyone else, without him, there was no one acting as a buffer between Flint and all of Silver’s errors and betrayals. Silver took a deep breath and turned back to Flint.

 

Flint, however, was still looking at him as if he was a miracle. He took Silver’s hand and guided him inside the house, stopping at the small living room. Silver sat at the minuscule table and Flint brought him some fruits from his garden. Without thinking, Silver took a few berries and put them on his month. Flint sat in front of him and waited.

 

They stayed that way. Silver eating and Flint watching him until Silver could take no more.

 

“You were right.” Silver said without looking at Flint. “Madi did not forgive me”

 

Silver heard Flint sight.

 

“I knew she wouldn’t. I warned you this would happen.” Flint said quietly. The tone carried no accusation but Silver heard it any way.

 

Silver shivered and looked back at Flint.

 

“I’m so sorry.” Silver said, because at least he could still say it to Flint; Madi was forever lost to him. “I’m so sorry I betrayed you.” He blinked and a few tears fell from his eyes.

 

Silver never used to cry. He had always had a mocking smile on his face and no worries on his heart. He used to have so many walls and a completely disregarding attitude towards the world in general. These days, Silver carried so much sorrow and sadness in him that crying was not even a surprise anymore.

 

Flint used one of his thumbs to dry the tear tracks that appeared on Silver’s face. His fingers were delicate; Flint had never touched him that way. It only made more tears come up.

 

“Hey, no.” Flint said quietly “I know why you betrayed me. I forgive you.” Flint completed with a small smile. Flint had been quick to anger, but once he and Silver became friends, he also had always been quick to forgive Silver.

 

Silver snorted bitterly. They weren’t friends anymore.

 

“That can’t be this simple.” Silver said.

 

Flint raised an eyebrow and smirked fondly in a way that always caused Silver to think _home_.

 

“It can’t?” Flint asked teasingly “You gave me back Thomas and I should what? Hate you?”

 

Flint’s hand was still on Silver’s face, caressing his cheek and Silver hid his eyes on it.

 

“I stopped your war; _Madi’s_ war.” Silver said, still pushing for the punishment he was sure he deserved. “I ended her dreams. I ended your dreams.”

 

Flint got up and went to silver’s side of the table, kneeling before him and taking his face in both of his hands.

 

“I cannot speak for Madi. I know what this war represented for her” Flint began seriously, and it felt almost as if a knife was driven into Silver’s heart “But” Flint continued and kissed Silver lips once “Her war was not the same as mine. You know my war. I covered it with reason and prose, but it would never have stopped. I was hurting, Silver. You saw that and you stopped it.”

 

Silver remembered the night Flint told him about Thomas, how his eyes shined in sadness and regret. He remembered how Flint very casually opened himself bare for Silver, as if it was the easiest thing in the world, as if all Silver had to do was ask and Flint would answer. And then, Silver used this knowledge against him, offering nothing in return, not even his own story.

 

“You… you see me with so much regard.” Silver said in wonder “I cannot understand why.”

 

Flint blinked. He was still on his knees, looking up at Silver, hands on Silver’s hair. Silver saw him frown.

 

“You insinuated yourself into my heart. You challenged me and made me think in ways I was not used to. You infuriated me.” Flint kissed Silver again, this time with more force “You are the reason I did not follow Miranda when she died.” He whispered into Silver’s month, offering more secrets for Silver to keep, still baring himself.

 

Silver shivered and inhaled deeply. He suspected Flint had been suicidal, of course he did, but Flint had never told him that. He also did not know Flint considered _him_ a reason good enough to stay on this God forsaken world.

 

“You know nothing about me.” Silver tried again, because he could not help himself. “I refused to tell you anything.”

 

Flint got up and took Silver with him, embracing him tenderly.

 

“I understood your reluctance then and I understand it now.” Flint said. Silver could feel Flint’s hand on his nape massaging him “You don’t have to tell me.”

 

Silver hid his face into Flint’s shoulder and laughed bitterly because _it was not right._

 

“You don’t even know if John Silver is my real name” Silver said, hugging Flint back.

 

Gently, Flint kissed Silver’s head on the side, the gesture so tender Silver felt his good leg weaken.

 

“I don’t care.” Flint said “I know you. I see you.” He kept massaging Silver’s nape “I know the schedule thief and I know the terrible cook and I know the amazing quartermaster and the dreadful Long John Silver. I know a lot of your sides, and I love all of them.”

 

_Tell him there is more._ Silver thought. _You have to tell him there is more. That you will one day slip and will cause hurt and suffering to him again_. Silver shivered. There was Thomas to think about. Thomas was going to be caught on Silver’s disaster of life and Flint would never forgive him.

 

“I don’t want to lose you.” Silver confessed instead of saying everything he was thinking, a few sobs escaping him.

 

Flint detached himself from Silver and looked at Silver’s eyes, his green irises shining in understanding. Silver felt his heart stop, because it appeared Flint read Silver that easily. Flint looked at him as if he heard all that Silver was trying so hard not to say.

 

“Should I list again everything I survived?” Flint asked, fondness coloring his voice “I’m really not concerned. You will not be the death of me.”

 

_I could_. Silver thought desperately. Oh _, god, I still can. You should not trust me._

 

Flint smiled widely suddenly, his face illuminating entirely.

 

“Besides, Thomas is already half way in love with you.” Flint said “Do not make me tell him you will not stay.”

 

_Jesus Christ, Thomas_. Silver still did not know what to make of him.

 

Flint stole a kiss from Silver’s open lips and took his hand again, guiding him to the only bedroom in the house, eyes twinkling happily. Silver followed.


End file.
